"Life is like any other contact sport; you’re gonna get your knocks. But it’s not the knocks that count, it’s how you handle them. If you handle them with anger, distrust, jealousy, hate, this in return is what you’re going to get. But if you handle these knocks with love and understanding,
they don’t mean much. They just dissipate."
– Sydney Banks
The ability to influence others is one of the most important “skills” you can develop. Whether it's in the domain of dating, public-speaking, parenting, leading, marketing, managing, serving or selling… Whether you're influencing your partner, your clients, your followers, your family or your friends… Influence is incredibly important, extremely holistic, and often misunderstood. In this article (the first of a series), we’re going to be exploring one of the most important ‘influence-secrets’ – lack of insecurity.
When I started my first consulting business back in 2001, I used to get very worried about the business failing. I was terrified of having to go back into the world of employment with my tail between my legs. I loved the freedom of working for myself, and feared that if I became an employee, I’d never get free again. And as I worried, my business started to suffer. Then one day, I had a massive insight. I suddenly realised that even if I did have to get a job, I’d be OK. I wasn’t the same person that I’d been when I’d been employed before, so my experience would be different. And I could always start a new business again in the future. My spirits soared, and my business started taking off.
Let’s explore this phenomenon with a simple example: Imagine two consultants, both with the same skill-sets, both with similar experience. Each is the sole source of income for their household, with a partner and three children who are financially dependent on them. Each has a similar variety of financial responsibilities, including mortgage, school fees, car payments, food shopping etc. Both consultants have just finished working on a large project. They each have 3 months’ money saved up to pay for bills, but they don’t have any new work scheduled. For purposes of this example, we can assume their circumstances are identical.
Here's where their stories diverge.
Consultant A – (Jane)
Jane regularly feels frightened when she thinks about her circumstances. She worries constantly about how she's going to pay the bills, and feels downhearted when she looks at her situation. She puts effort into finding new business, but at the back of her mind there's a sense of stress and worry about everything going belly-up. Jane’s terrified of the possibility of failing, and worries about “letting her family down”. She sometimes entertains a frightening vision of living off baked beans, being thrown out on the street, or ending up as a bag-lady.
This sense of foreboding carries into her business-creation activities. Jane feels stuck when she tries to think of ways to develop new clients. When she does 'tried and tested' activities like networking etc, her feelings of stress and worry follow her around like a raincloud. When she sits down for a meeting with a potential client, she keeps thinking about how much she needs the deal. As a result, she doesn’t listen as well as she could, and isn’t at her best in the meeting. The potential client seems to pick up on Jane’s “needy” vibe, and decides that she’s not the right person for the job.
Perhaps worst of all, Jane’s relationship with her family is getting strained. The pressure, worry and stress are taking their toll on her mood, and she's snappy and short-tempered.
Consultant B – (Bob)
Bob occasionally gets freaked out about his circumstances, but intuitively knows that he’s “not seeing it right” in those moments. He knows that, whatever his circumstances, he’s got the internal resources he needs to deal with his situation. He generally feels buoyant and optimistic, and trusts that his inner source of creativity and wisdom will give him what he needs, when he needs it. While Bob’s committed to developing new business and meeting his financial responsibilities, he’s also philosophical about it; he knows that if he and his family have to downsize, they’ll manage. Bob’s been through difficult circumstances in the past, and found that there were silver linings in even the darkest clouds. He knows that he has an inner source of resilience, creativity and wisdom that will guide him, no matter what happens.
Bob’s sense of inner security, optimism and possibility carry into his business-creation activities. He puts energy into developing new opportunities, but also gives himself time for rest and reflection. Bob’s sunny mood plays well in traditional business-generation activities, but he also has flashes of insight and creativity that have him coming up with innovative ways to develop new clients. His hunches often play out, and other people comment that he’s unusually lucky. When he sits down with a potential client, they soon pick up on Bob’s good feeling about life. They enjoy spending time with him; they’re struck by his excellent listening, his insightful questions and the creative solutions he inspires in them. It’s not long before Bob has several interesting new work opportunities to choose between.
Bob’s relationship with his family are really important to him, so he’s pleased that the ebb and flow of business doesn’t have a negative impact on it. In fact, he’s grateful to have some extra time to spend with his family before the next project starts.
Both consultants start out with the same circumstances, but the differences in their attitudes result in very different results. And what accounts for this difference in attitude? A difference in their understanding of the inside-out nature of life. Whether Bob’s been formally schooled in the principles behind clarity or not, he has intuitive understanding of the inside-out nature of life. The more deeply you understand the principles behind clarity, the more you get to benefit from that understanding, in terms of inner security, peace of mind, resilience, creativity, wisdom etc. All the articles, audios and videos and products here at www.JamieSmart.com are devoted to helping you deepen your understanding of these principles, so I encourage you to keep exploring.
To your increasing clarity,
Best
Jamie
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