“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Maya Angelou, Author
In this week’s article, we’re going to look at the keys to connecting fast with a challenging audience, whether it’s one person or a thousand. It starts with a story…
Last week, I was scheduled to do a talk to kick off the strategy day for the 30 council members of the Institute of a long-established profession. The profession has over 20,000 members, and its council had been charged with developing a strategy for the future of the profession. I had been invited to give do a talk on the theme, “Clarity and Strategy”. I happened to mention this to one of my clients on the day of the talk, and he asked if I’d ever worked with people from this profession before. When I said that I hadn’t, he told me that they were extremely detail-oriented, analytical, data-driven, and love playing devil’s advocate. “They’re going to eat you alive”, he told me. I reflected on what my client had said, and asked myself these questions…
“How can you make it easy for them to look in the direction you’re pointing? How can you make it easy for them to come on the journey with you? ”
As I reflected, a few ideas popped into my head, and I jotted them down. When I arrived at the venue, the council members were chatting casually over coffee, so I introduced myself to several small groups and started asking them questions; questions about their profession, themselves, the challenges they faced and their hopes for the strategy day. I did my best to listen deeply to each person, and I started to feel more connected to them. Some of the people I spoke to affirmed my client’s words; they told me that they’re an evidence-based profession, and we’re looking forward to something practical that they could apply.
Despite my client’s warning, I was enjoying connecting with these people and had a sudden flash of insight. I was feeling a sense of fun, wellbeing and a little mischief as people started to take their seats.
When I started the talk, I set the context by saying “I understand you’ve been given the job of setting the strategy for the profession. This means that if you do a good job, the professionals 20 years from today will be blessing you, and if the profession goes off a cliff, they’ll be cursing you. Is that correct?” They nodded. I said “I also understand that you are an evidence-based professional; detail-oriented, data-driven and analytical. Is that correct?” Once again, they nodded. Then I asked them one last question:
“In that case, when you reach the end of your strategy day, what will your evidence be that you’ve done a good job? What will you see, hear, feel, experience and knowledge that will let you know that you’ve accomplished what you’ve come together to do?”
Suddenly, I had their attention. They’d just gone on record saying that evidence was really important to them; now I was asking them to prove it. I’d met them where they live…
Key 1) Meet people where they live. Get a feel for their world. Find out how they tick, what’s important to them. Listen. Pay attention to what they say. Then let them know that you’ve heard them by meeting them where they are.
Rapport is often thought of as a sense of ease and comfort as you connect with someone, but I have a much simpler view. Rapport is the art of letting people know that you “get” them; that you’re willing to meet them where they live. When I asked them this question, it didn’t make them feel comfortable (quite the opposite), but it let them know that I “got them”.
As an aside, a salesperson was once sent to me by his boss for coaching. Here’s how the conversation went:
Me: Hi, I’m Jamie. Good to meet you.
Him: Hi, I’m Bob. To be honest, I’m usually pretty sceptical about this sort of thing.
Me: Usually…? (With raised eyebrow)
Him: Well, you come very highly recommended.
Me: Well, you should be sceptical.
Him: Why?
Me: Until you’ve experienced my work for yourself, and seen real results showing up in your own life, why would you have any reason not to be?
Him: Oh! Ok… great! So where do we start?
I didn’t try to get him to relax. I listened to him, let him know that I’d heard him. I met him where he was. Then he relaxed and started listening. As a result, we got off to a great start and had a powerful session.
I invited the members of the council to turn to the person next to them and ask them this question, then listen without interrupting. When I checked in with them, we discovered something unexpected; that while some of the evidence they came up with was very practical and “down-to-earth” (Eg. specific objectives, agreed actions etc), some of the evidence was less tangible (Eg. We’ll feel connected to each other, we’ll have fun and laughter, we’ll have a sense of accomplishment). The feeling in the room was getting lighter by the minute.
Key 2) People pick up on where you’re coming from, so come from somewhere good. If you’re feeling stressed, your audience will pick up on it and blame their stress on you. If you’re feeling good, they’ll pick up on your good feeling and attribute their good feelings to you and your talk.
The biggest leverage point I’ve found for being able to experience a clear head, a good feeling and a connection with your audience is getting a deeper understanding of the principles behind clarity. The video I made about this talk is on top of this page (the screen goes dark for 50 seconds in the middle but you can still hear my voice). In a nutshell: meet them where they are, then take them somewhere good.
To your increasing clarity.
Big love,
Jamie