“Everything about us – our brains, our minds and our bodies – is geared towards collaboration in social systems. This is our most powerful survival strategy, the key to our success as a species, and it is precisely this that breaks down in most forms of mental suffering."
Bessel van der Kolk
Professor of Psychiatry,
Boston University Medical School
I’m writing this in the resort where we’ve just finished the 2016 Clarity Life Transformation Retreat. The level of impact has been phenomenal, with many lives being transformed (including my own). So what creates the space for transformation? In this article, you’re going to discover the “WD40” of transformational influence and impact: clarity of connection.
Many years ago, a famous NLP trainer told me about their experiences of the legendary transformation professional, Milton Erickson (nicknamed “the miracle worker”). They said that, while he was good with language, and had amazing sensory acuity, the thing that was most extraordinary about Erickson was the depth of rapport and connection he entered into with his clients. He would get into extremely deep rapport with people, connecting with them at the level of their true identity. It was as if he was sending the message on all channels, “I see who you are… and I know who you are… I like who you are… and I don’t need you to change a single thing…” The trainer said that in the face of this onslaught of love, acceptance and connection, people experienced a great freedom and ability to transform. When I heard this story, I immediately knew, “I want to be able to do that.” It inspired me to spend years developing the kind of deep, “soul-to-soul” connection that forms the basis for powerful relationships, effortless influence and transformational impact.
So what is clarity of connection?
Let’s start with a brief excerpt from my forthcoming book (to be published by Wiley-Capstone, Autumn 2016):
Human beings have a more highly evolved capacity for connection and relationship than any other species. Social groups are a big part of the reality we’re built for. The feeling of connection can be a powerful communicator of trust and credibility when it comes to persuasion, influence and leadership. In more intimate relationships, the feeling of love and connection is the rich soil that feeds the roots of the relationship and allows it to grow and evolve. We all have times when we’re feeling connected; connected to another person… connected to our true selves… connected to life as a whole. We also have times when we feel less connected, or even isolated. When you’re feeling connected, there’s a sense of closeness and intimacy that carries its own credibility. When we’re hanging out in La-la land, caught up in contaminated thinking, we lose that sense of connection. The moment you fall out of contaminated thinking and into the reality of the moment, your sense of connection re-emerges.
Think about it. One of the keys for transformational impact is a sense of safety and security. When people feel disconnected, they tend to feel unsafe, insecure and isolated. Their orientations is typically familiarity-focused, risk-averse and anti-change. When a person is feeling safe, secure and connected, they tend to be possibility-focused, risk-positive and open-minded.
This is why Clarity of Connection is one of the 3 elements of the Clarity Impact Model. Of course, Clarity of Connection is just a metaphor that points to the principle of Mind, the intelligent energy behind life. While we have the capacity to experience the feeling of being separate from life, you are never really separate. You’re always connected: connected to your true identity, to the rest of humanity, and to the oneness of life.
And think about it: what could require a greater degree of influence than the ability to help someone transform their lives? Influence (E.g. In the form of sales, leadership, education, negotiation, marketing etc) is at its best when your influence objectives are aligned with the other person’s best interests, and in support of your relationship with them. This is also true of having a transformational impact on another human being. This is why it turns out that the “skill set” that allows a transformational professional to help transform a person’s life forms much of the skill set required to be an influential communicator in the 21st century.
Over the past week, I’ve been leading the Clarity Life Transformation Retreat with my dear friends, colleagues and mentors, Jan and Chip Chipman. We’ve collaborated with the wonderful members of #TeamClarity (Nikki, Jonny, Debs and Dzidek) and with a wonderful group of clients to create a profoundly transformational space. As the sense of security, safety and connection has become richer and deeper, people have felt the freedom to transform. Along the way, lifelong friendships have been formed, and new paths taken. I’m incredibly grateful to be able to do this work, and that we’re all on this journey together. Thanks as ever for your support. By the way, if you’re already a transformation professional, then you may be a good fit for something I’m doing next month. Here’s what I’m looking for:
– You have at least one year’s experience of working with clients (either paid, pro-bono or both)
– You probably charge by the hour, but want to use a “coaching package” model to increase your income & make it more consistent
– You have space in your practice to work with at least one longer term contract client, starting in May
– You’re an enthusiastic, friendly people-person
– You have a coachable spirit, and are willing to step out of your comfort zone if necessary, and
– You can keep a secret
If that’s you, then just email me at jsmart@jamiesmart.com, and let me know where you’re located and a little about yourself (if you don’t know what to tell me about, look at the list above for inspiration). Make the subject line “Project Glasswing JST”. I’ll be choosing people in the next couple of weeks. Talk to you soon!
Big love
Jamie