Do you choose your words carefully?

Legendary change wizard Milton Erickson’s reply to this question was unequivocal:

“Yes, I choose my words very carefully, and I suggest you do the same. Because the words you say will influence your clients today, and twenty years from today.”

I loved sharing this story with my students as I taught them about the power of language. But there was an ambiguity at its heart that had slipped my notice.

Most people aren’t aware of the power of language. They take it at face value, not realising the degree to which language constructs and constrains what they think and perceive.

The experienced coach knows language is important, and acts accordingly. They ask powerful questions, and use words that point their client in the direction of creativity, possibility and insight.

“Choose your words carefully.”

I was sitting in a state of deep meditation when I heard the words resound through me, as though someone was whispering in my ear with utter certainty.

Whenever I’d told the Erickson story, I’d used the word “carefully” in the sense of “cautiously and with precision”, but suddenly I heard a different meaning in the word…

Care. Fully.

Ensure your words are full of care.

The message of the story changed for me in an instant. Suddenly it had a depth of richness and meaning that would guide me going forward.

The change wizard speaks from the truth of who they really are. They imbue their words with the love and connection at the heart of their being; a fullness of care for the person they’re talking to.

You can think of this as the experience of connection. As I wrote in the second edition of my book CLARITY (© Jamie Smart 2023):

The experience of connection is incredibly valuable. In addition to the fact that it’s natural and feels good, connection opens up a conduit for effective communication. When another person feels connected to you, they’re much more likely to see where you’re coming from, hear what you have to say, feel well understood and be impacted by what you’re sharing with them.

Connection, intimacy and love are what’s already there

for us when there’s nothing else in the way. . .

So what gets in the way? Habitual patterns of contaminated thinking.

The change wizard is a master of connection. They ensure their words are filled with love, compassion and care. They speak from behind the clouds of contamination to the wisdom and intelligence at their client’s core.

Q: Speaking to you as a coach, do you resonate with this?

It’s the latest chapter of my book CHANGE WIZARD, so I’d love to know how it lands for you. Let me know in the comments and have a beautiful day.

Thanks & big love
Jamie

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