“Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it.
Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.”
– Chief Seattle
Recently, I spoke at a conference in Oslo on the role that clarity plays in relationships. I felt deeply connected to the people in the audience, and the response was great (so much so that the organisers invited me back to give a workshop at the end of the month). It turns out that a sense of genuine connection is something that more and more people are thirsting for. So in this article, we’ll be having a look at what connection is, how to clear the obstacles that can stop you experiencing it, and how you can experience more and deeper connections, every day.
You’re always connected
Contemporary physicists suggest that everything in the universe is made of energy. It turns out that the space between you and other people isn’t empty; it’s full. Full of air, molecules and subtle energies. If everything is made of energy, then we’re all already connected on some level; connected to each other, to the material world and to the energy that everything’s created from. And here’s the thing: If connection is our default setting, then it’s not something you create; it’s something you return to.
Connection is natural and automatic
Have you ever had the experience of feeling really connected to someone, when all of a sudden the connection seems to evaporate? It’s not that the connection has gone anywhere, it’s that your (and possibly their) attention has shifted. Something else has got in the way. Connection is a natural quality for every human being when there’s nothing else in the way. And the only thing that ever gets in the way is what I call “superstitious thinking”.
Superstitious thinking is the connection killer
Superstitious thinking comes from the mistaken belief that we’re feeling something other than our thinking in the moment. In the case of other people, it can seem like our feeling is coming from them (their words, attitude or behaviour) but the reality is that we’re always living in the feeling of our own thinking, moment to moment. Here are a few common examples:
Connecting with your audience is the key to impactful presentations
When you and your audience have nothing on your minds, the sense of connection is palpable. This is why the best speakers are fully present and in the moment – it gives you the best shot at connecting with your audience, delivering an impactful message and enjoying the experience. But sometimes, a speaker gets caught up in their superstitious thinking, typically an agitated feeling that seems like it’s coming from somewhere other than their thinking. It can seem like it’s coming from their appearance (“How does my hair look?”), from the audience (“What are they thinking of me?”) from the future (“What if I forget what I’m going to say?”) or from anywhere else. But the truth is that thinking and feeling are two sides of the same coin; your feelings are always telling you about your thinking in the moment.
Connection is the key to productive meetings
Connection is the key to productive meetings. Yet all too often, meeting-participants are dis-connected, lost in superstitious thinking, distraction and stress. If you’ve ever had the experience of “waiting for your turn to speak” (rather than truly listening to your colleagues) then you know what the experience of most meeting-participants is like. But there’s an alternative…
Deep listening is the connection amplifier
When you put your agendas to one side and deeply listen to another person, you create a space for clarity of connection to emerge. Remember, connection is what’s already there when nothing is in the way. When you put your attention on listening to the other person, without having to figure out what they’re saying / solve their problems / think about what you’re going to say next, something amazing starts to happen… As that sense of connection develops, you both start connecting with a deeper source of wisdom and creativity. The person you’re listening to starts to come up with their own solutions; the perfect question to ask them occurs to you and creative possibilities start to emerge.
Connection is essential to dating and romantic relationships
Connection is a romance essential, whether you’re going on a first date or you’re in a long-term relationship. When you listen deeply and allow that clarity of connection to emerge, there’s always a basis for conversation, always something new to discover about the person you’re with. But when we get caught up in superstitious thinking, it seems like our feelings are coming from the person we’re with. This is never good news. At one end of the spectrum, it creates neediness (“He’s the source of my wellbeing and security”) and at the other end, anxiety (“She’s so beautiful and cool, my mind goes blank when I see her”). So how can you clear your mind, and allow that clarity of connection to emerge?
Your mind is a self-correcting system
Your mind is a self-correcting system. Clarity is it’s default setting, the set-point it’s designed to return to. The only thing that ever stops a person’s mind returning to clarity is superstitious thinking; the mistaken belief that our feelings are coming from somewhere other than our thinking. But we each have an inner guidance system, wisdom. As you keep deepening your understanding of the principles behind clarity, your wisdom will wake you up more and more quickly (and frequently) when you’re caught up in superstitious thinking. You don’t have to do anything to make this happen. It’s a natural quality that you already have within you.
Increase your clarity and connection by deepening your understanding
As you continue deepening your understanding of the principles behind clarity, you’re going to experience more connection, as well as all the qualities that come with it, more and more of the time. All the articles, audios and videos at www.JamieSmart.com are devoted to helping you deepen your understanding of these principles, so I encourage you to keep exploring.
I look forward to connecting with you personally at some point in the future.
To your increasing clarity…
Best
Jamie
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