“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”
Carl Jung
Every week, I do a 20-30 minute “Facebook Live” broadcast called #CLARITYlive (Facebook Live is a new tool that allows you to live-stream directly to people in your Facebook community). In this article, we’re going to explore the subject of last night’s #CLARITYlive broadcast: how to deal with difficult people.
(By the way, the full video is pinned to the top of my page at www.facebook.com/jamiesmartcom/ – if you want to watch the video, and get notified when I’m doing live broadcasts, go to www.facebook.com/jamiesmartcom/, hit “Like” on the page, then click “⌄” symbol to the top right of the video and select “Turn on notifications”).
It turns out that there are two kinds of people who read articles about how to deal with difficult people:
Type 1 – People who have to deal with “difficult people” from time to time
Type 2 – People who are themselves “difficult people” from time to time
On closer analysis, it turns out that we each fall into both these categories. Here’s an example: Yesterday, I popped into my local bank branch to open up a new account. I’ve been a customer with them for 25 years, so thought it would be a quick and easy job. The staff member I was speaking to flatly informed me that I was going to need an appointment to do that, and that she didn’t have one available for at least a week. I immediately felt frustrated and annoyed. I was clearly dealing with a difficult person.
My feelings of frustration and annoyance are letting me know that I am in frustrated, annoyed thinking. But it seems like my feelings are letting me know about my bank, their procedures and the difficult person.
Now look at it from her perspective: A man, obviously in a hurry, walks into the bank and says he wants to open an account. She tells him he’s going to need an appointment, and he immediately becomes impatient and irritable. She starts feeling stressed and defensive. It’s clear to her that she’s dealing with a difficult person.
Her feelings of defensiveness and stress are letting her know that she’s in stressed, defensive thinking. But it seems like her feelings are letting her know about this difficult man she’s dealing with.
As I prepared to make a sarcastic comment about having been transported back to the 1980s, a fresh thought suddenly occurred to me:
Where do you believe your feelings are coming from?
In a flash, I realized that I’d fallen for the same old trick; contaminated thinking arising from the outside-in misunderstanding; the mistaken belief that you’re feeling something other than the principle of Thought taking form in the moment. I fell out of my contaminated thinking, and back into the present. Suddenly, the “difficult person” I was dealing with was transformed into a stressed-out employee, trying to do her job as the “front person” for an archaic organisation. My heart went out to her, and I smiled. From nowhere, she said “Hang on a second”, and went to speak with a colleague. She came back a moment later, and told me I could speak with someone right away. A few minutes later, my account was set up.
So how do you deal with difficult people? By waking up to where your own experience is coming from. The fact is we’re all “difficult people” when we’re caught up in contaminated thinking. And we’re all intuitive, creative and insightful when we’re present, aware and available to the moment. In fact, the present moment is the reality you’re built for; the reality you’ve evolved for. We’re all geniuses of connection and social intelligence when we’re not caught up in contaminated thinking.
When you’re faced with someone who’s “difficult” (ie. They’re caught up in contaminated thinking, and acting from that lack of clarity), the best thing you’ve got going for you is your own clarity; freedom from the contaminated thinking that we’re all prone to. And this doesn’t just apply to difficult people: it also applies to difficult decisions, difficult situations, and difficult life circumstances. When you’ve got nothing on your mind, you have the resources to deal with anything and anyone, difficult or otherwise.
(I go into this in a lot more depth in this week’s #CLARITYlive video. If you want to watch the video, and get notified when I’m doing live broadcasts, go to www.facebook.com/jamiesmartcom/ , hit “Like” on the page, then click “⌄” symbol to the top right of the video and select “Turn on notifications”. You can find all the other #CLARITYlive videos I’ve done there too.)
Wishing you a wonderful one.
To your increasing clarity,
Big love
Jamie
PS The 2016/17 Certified Clarity Coach Training Programme https://www.jamiesmart.com/clarity-coach-training-sh/ starts in September, and the price goes up at the end of August. The programme is by application only, is available via live-streaming around the world or in-person in London. If you want to be considered for one of the places, check out the details and find out how to apply now at https://www.jamiesmart.com/clarity-coach-training-sh/
PPS If you want to follow me on snapchat, you can find me at @jsmart999 or scan my snapcode below
