Photo courtesy of Mary and Flickr
“After all, everyone’s favourite subject is themselves.”
Neil Strauss
In last week’s article, we explored six different meanings of the phrase “the 3 principles”. One of the meanings is the formless principles pointed to by Sydney Banks, an understanding of which can have a transformational impact on people’s lives. When people first get touched by this understanding, they often become very enthusiastic about sharing what’s made a difference to them with other people. But as often as not, they find themselves tongue-tied and inarticulate, unsure about what to say or how to say it. Or they come across sounding like they’ve swallowed a new-age bookshop, sounding vague and woo-woo. In this article, I’m going to give you some ideas about how to start a conversation about these principles.
Why “there are these 3 principles” isn’t a great place to start a conversation
Conversations about the principles often start with a question, E.g. “What’s this stuff you’ve been learning?”, “What’s that course you’re going on?” or “What’s that book about?” If you respond with “The 3 Principles”, the first question the person is likely to ask is “What are they?” When people hear the word “principles”, they’re expecting good ideas (for instance, the principles for staying on top of your email, doing good website design or eating healthily.) They’re not thinking about principles in the sense of “fundamental laws of nature” (e.g. Relativity, universal gravitation or the laws of thermodynamics.) When someone asks “What are the 3 principles”, they’re expecting a list of 3 “tips” or “recommendations”, not 3 laws of nature. If you reply “Mind, Thought and Consciousness” (MCT), you’re likely to get a blank stare or the question, “What do you mean?” I’ve even heard experienced principles teachers get bogged down in this question early in a talk. It’s worth remembering that these words (MCT) are just labels; metaphors for something that’s beyond description. You don’t need to introduce them into a conversation unless you have a good reason for doing so.
Why people get tongue-tied or vague
The reason people often get tongue-tied or vague when they try to share this understanding is this: They’ve had a profound insight that’s beyond description; an insight that cleared their minds and brought new peace, beauty and understanding into their life. But when they try to talk about what’s made such a difference to them, they ask themselves “how am I supposed to talk about the 3 principles again?” They get caught up in insecure thinking, feel awkward then start talking (with predictable results).
The best place to start a conversation
Sydney Banks pointed out that each person lives in a separate, Thought-generated reality. The best place to start a conversation about these principles is to start from clarity and connection; connection with the other person, with who you really are, and with life itself. And the easiest place to get connected with someone? Meet them in their reality. When I’m speaking to someone new, it’s like I’m asking myself the question “How can you make it easy for this person to look in the direction you’re pointing?” The answer comes in looking away from myself and towards them and how they see the world. For instance, if a busy executive asks me how I can help them get better performance, what might come out is something like this: (Excerpt from RESULTS: Think Less, Achieve More ©2016 Jamie Smart):
“Contamination days – You know those days when it probably would have been better if you’d stayed under the duvet… Where nothing seems to turn out right, and it’s almost as if you’re working against yourself… And it’s stressful and unproductive… And everything seems like a struggle and a chore… and you finish the day wondering where it went, with nothing to show for it but a headache and more on your to-do list…
Clarity days – And then there are those other days when you can’t seem to put a foot wrong, and everything’s falling into place… Those days when it’s almost as if you’re being guided, and you’re unusually productive… Feeling at ease, yet focused… Coming up with great ideas, and finding solutions easily… And you finish the day with a sense of accomplishment, feeling fulfilled and satisfied with a job well done…
I show my clients where these two kinds of days come from, because once you understand that, you start to experience more clarity days, and contamination days. What would it mean to you and for you and your business if you had more clarity days?”
This is a simple example of talking to what’s relevant in the other person’s reality. Of course, what I ask and say varies with the person I’m talking with. But I will almost always start with something that looks relevant to them in their world. Of course, this may involve asking questions to find out about their world before I start talking about what I do, but that offers an opportunity to deepen our connection and “get their reality”.
And here’s the most important thing; the other person is going to pick up on “where you’re coming from”, the feeling you’re in. The power isn’t actually in the words you use; it’s in where you’re coming from as you speak. When you’re clear-minded and connected, you’ll intuitively ask the questions and find the words that create the space for you to have an impact. After all, the impact you have with a person doesn’t come from your words; it comes from their capacity for insight.
I made a 60-minute video about this whole topic, called “Why do I never refer to myself as a 3 Principles Teacher / Coach / Trainer / Author?”. If you want to watch and listen to the full Facebook Live recording, you can access it in The Exponential Practice Professional Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/1559740277665123/permalink/1640763739562776/
Big love,
Jamie