Human beings have an extraordinary job to do from the moment we are born. We need to create a map of reality that’s “good enough” for us to navigate our world and accomplish the things that matter to us. The child instinctively knows their map is provisional, so it gets updated quickly and easily when presented with new data from the world. At certain points, parts of the map get solidified into “beliefs”; patterns of thought and sensation that are experienced as “actual reality”. Beliefs are always developed to serve a person at a certain point in life. They help us make sense of the world, make predictions and make decisions. But here’s the thing: The world is dynamic; beliefs are static. |
As Brad Blanton wisely said, “Even yesterday’s liberating insight is today’s jail of stale explanation.” Limiting beliefs are patterns of thought that people perceive as holding them back in some way:
- “I can’t be myself.”
- “I can’t stop smoking.”
- “I can’t make money.”
- “I can’t find love.”
- “I can’t start my own business.”
- “I can’t get in shape.”
- “I can’t get clients.”
- “I can’t speak in public.”
- “I can’t change.”
Most people don’t see these as beliefs; they assume they are statements about reality. When they talk to their friends, they either get commiseration (“I know, it’s so hard!”) or encouragement (“Sure you can; you go, girl!”) While both of these have their place, they rarely shift the belief.
The coach understands how pernicious limiting beliefs can be, so they tread carefully when challenging them. They may look for exceptions, or find opportunities for their client to strengthen the idea that they can do the things they’ve been believing they can’t. Unfortunately, most coaches find limiting beliefs challenging to shift (especially their own).
The change wizard knows that people can always do what they say they can’t, at least on some level…
They understand that every belief is a perception – an amalgam of thinking and feeling – so it’s vulnerable to insight, realisation and transformation. Perhaps most importantly, they know beliefs are valuable resources, generalisations that people use to give themselves a sense of identity, certainty and a basis for decision-making in an uncertain & ambiguous world.
I was once teaching a 3-day workshop on transcending limiting beliefs. Each member of the group had arrived with specific objectives for the session, one or more “I can’t…” they were looking to move past. I started the first session by laying out a few of my working assumptions for working with limiting beliefs, for instance:
- Every belief is a resource that’s valuable in some context.
- Beliefs tend to be self-protective and survival-oriented.
- Beliefs sort & filter data in order to prove themselves to be true.
- People can always do what they say they can’t.
As I talked through my assumptions, almost everyone rankled at the idea that people can always do what they say they can’t. This notion just seemed too fantastic and improbable. So I asked the group, “Who has an example of a belief you’ve been perceiving as limiting you until now?”
One gentleman stood up and, in a strong, clear voice, addressed the group, saying:
“I can’t speak in public. I want to be able to stand up and speak to a group of people, make my voice heard, and make my point succinctly and clearly. Then once I’m done, I want to sit down having got my message across. So that’s what I want.”
With that, he sat down and looked around wondering why everyone was staring at him, mouths agape.
“See?” I said. “People can always do what they say they can’t.
Are you open to the possibility that all the “I can’ts” you may have perceived as limiting you until now are merely perceptions; clusters of thought and feeling made of the same stuff that dreams are made of?
Big love,
Jamie